Take Flight - My Journey out of Fear and into Fulfilling My Destiny
Cocoon Woman lay on the ground, weeping and afraid, as her tightly woven skin began to crack.
It felt like her world was ending; Oh God how it hurt.
Half a century ago Caterpillar spun Cocoon Woman tightly around herself. Cocoon Woman loved her life, cradling and protecting Caterpillar, until the day the Not Good Enough Beast showed up and everything changed.
The Not Good Enough Beast told Cocoon Woman over and over again that she wasn’t worthy of such an important job until she eventually believed his lies. The belief that she wasn’t good enough became her constant companion, overshadowing every aspect of her life.
She was afraid that if others saw her unworthiness they would cast her aside so she learned the art of shape shifting to hide her terrible secret. She used shape shifting to constantly change into whatever was needed to keep everyone happy. She spent so much time and energy doing this that she began to forgot about Caterpillar.
But shape shifting is exhausting and it became too difficult for Cocoon Woman to do it all the time. When this happened, and she realized she could no longer keep everyone happy, she was overwhelmed with fear. Sensing her fear, the Not Good Enough Beast swept in saying, “I told you so!” as he grew bigger and stronger than ever before.
Meanwhile, life inside Cocoon Woman had grown stale for Caterpillar and she began to slowly dissolve. At first she was afraid, but then something magical happened, and she saw visions of what her life would be like on the other side. She was beautiful and free. She was flying, light as a feather, from one brightly colored island to the next. Everything smelled and tasted so sweet. Caterpillar found tremendous peace in these visions as she faded away.
As Caterpillar ceased to exist Cocoon Woman cried out in tremendous grief thinking that the Not Good Enough Beast had been right all along. With no more strength left to fight she let go and broke open completely. But as she surrendered something wet and fragile emerged from inside her and she was flooded with an overwhelming sense of peace. Cocoon Woman smiled as she realized that this was not only an end but also a beautiful beginning.
And Butterfly Woman was born.
As Butterfly Woman lay in the sun drying her wings, she felt deep gratitude for Cocoon Woman. She understood the fear that had prevented Cocoon Woman from fulfilling her destiny long ago because she too felt flickers of that same fear. She understood how the Not Good Enough Beast had tricked Cocoon Woman into believing that she must keep Caterpillar safely tucked inside her for so many years.
Butterfly Woman was shaky and weak but the Not Good Enough Beast saw strength in her that he hadn’t seen in Cocoon Woman. She knew there would be days ahead when the Not Good Enough Beast would swoop back in and knock her off her feet. But she smiled as she remembered what Cocoon Woman had whispered to her as she emerged.
It is your destiny to live an amazing beautiful life.
And to prove that fucking beast wrong.
So with Cocoon Woman’s strength and courage cradled in her heart,
Butterfly Woman took flight.
Lisa Irwin 2018
