Fear-full Life: What mine looked like and how I began my new fear-less way of living
During a recent early morning walk I saw a rabbit sitting and eating grass in the neighbor’s yard. As I got closer it stopped nibbling and I suddenly realized I could see myself in the rabbit, frozen in fear and ready to flee. The rabbit's fear mirrored my own fear-full life.
Up until 2 years ago I lived a life full of fear.
MY FEAR WAS ALWAYS BASED IN THE FUTURE. The rabbit forgot me and continued munching grass as soon as the threat (me) passed. But my fear was constant because it was caused by my thoughts of something bad that MIGHT happen and not what was in the present moment. I had a constant stream of movies playing in my head showing all sorts of terrible things that MIGHT happen.
MY FEAR WAS ISOLATING. I had few close friends in my fear-full days because it’s scary to be vulnerable and let people close. I had thoughts like: What if I make a fool of myself? What if they think I’m stupid? What if they reject me? The fear from my thoughts about what MIGHT happen was bigger than my desire for a deep connection with others.
MY FEAR WRECKED HAVOC ON MY HEALTH. Over the years I suffered from migraines, stomach problems, asthma, drastic weight changes, suppressed immunity, depression and anxiety. It is very hard to live a full life while constantly sick and just trying to make it through the day.
MY FEAR HAD A DIRECT IMPACT ON MY LOVED ONES. In her book Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck writes, “Panic spreads like shock waves, making it hard to be around a person who’s fully lizard based without “catching” his fear.” (lizard brain is how she describes the reptilian part of our brain where our survival fears originate) As the mom of a child who was diagnosed with a debilitating anxiety disorder at a young age, my chronic fear fueled his anxiety and was toxic for both of us.
MY FEAR KEPT ME STUCK. With a constant stream of fearful thoughts about what MIGHT happen it was impossible for me to do anything outside my comfort zone. I stood in the shadow of others while they pursued their dreams. I eventually stopped believing in myself and then lost the ability to even have dreams about my future.
BUT THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING TO MY FEAR-FULL STORY. Fear robbed me of living a full life until 2 years ago when I decided to take fear out of the driver’s seat. I’m not going to lie; it was terrifying because it took the one thing that I didn’t think I had - courage. But as soon as I started chipping away at my fearful thoughts I was able to tap into the courage and inner wisdom that had been inside of me all along.
THE FIRST STEP IN MOVING FROM A FEAR-FULL LIFE AND INTO A FEAR-LESS ONE IS TO NOTICE…
We can’t change until we recognize what we need to change. It makes sense right? But fear is tricky because it is caused by thoughts about the future. This makes it hard to untangle ourselves from the fear because we aren’t even in the present moment. It’s impossible to notice what is going on right now if our mind is in the future. So the first thing we need to do if we want to move our lives from fear-full to fear-less is to bring ourselves back into the present moment.
TRY BRUSHING YOUR TEETH:
I know it sounds silly but stick with me for a minute.
Here’s how it works:
Pick one mundane activity that you do every day. Mine is brushing my teeth but yours could be washing your hair, doing the dishes, folding laundry, etc…whatever works for you.
As you start the activity slow down and notice sensations one at a time. Spend a few seconds noticing each one before moving to the next.
Smells
Sounds
Tastes
Touch (soft, hard, hot, cold, smooth, etc)
If your mind begins to wander back to your thoughts (and it will) just gently bring it back to brushing your teeth (or whatever activity you’ve chosen).
When I brush my teeth I close my eyes, slow down and notice sensations like the taste of my toothpaste, the feeling of the bristles against my teeth, the sound of my electric toothbrush, the feeling of the bubbles inside my mouth and on on my lips, the sound of water swishing in my mouth, the way my tongue moves out of the way as I brush, etc. It’s a win-win…I get clean teeth and mindfulness every day!
BRUSHING YOUR TEETH (or whatever activity you choose) is a PRACTICE - meaning it’s not something to get right or perfect. It’s about gently noticing the sensations without forcing your mind to do anything. But as you do it each day it will allow you to practice getting out of your head, which is where all of your fear originates, and into the present moment.
“The mind is loud. We have to slow down to hear the wisdom of the Heart. ”
I would love to hear about your experience. (comment below) How does fear show up in your life? Did you try Brushing Your Teeth?
