Celebrating Me
Celebrating Me
Today I am celebrating me.
I am celebrating my beautifully imperfect soul-self.
I am celebrating my soul-self; the “me” that was buried under layers and layers of false beliefs and fears about myself and my place in the world.
Several years ago I couldn’t have told you my favorite restaurant or food because I simply didn’t know. I always chose what I thought everyone else wanted or liked because that was safe. I believed keeping everyone else happy was more important than keeping me happy.
Over time I lost touch with “me”; my soul-self.
On top of the pain from being disconnected from myself was the layer of shame that came from not knowing what I wanted or liked. The only way I knew to deal with the shame was to pretend - pretend I was ok; pretend I was ok with always putting everyone else first; and pretend I was ok being disconnected from my own wants and needs. I almost convinced myself that I could live this way forever; almost.
I am so grateful that I eventually gained the courage to admit to myself that I was not ok living that way forever.
I am grateful that I gained the courage to dig deep and peel back the layers of false beliefs that were keeping me disconnected from my soul-self.
I am grateful that I gained the courage to speak about my shame because shame can not survive once it’s out in the open; shame can only live in secrecy.
This is my journey and it’s not always easy. There are still times when I have no idea what I like or want.
So today, I am celebrating and loving myself for where I am on my journey right now.
I am celebrating and loving the “me” that doesn’t always know what she wants or likes.
I am celebrating and loving the “me” that still hasn’t decided how she wants to celebrate her birthday tonight.
I am celebrating and loving the “me” that is truly ok with not knowing.
Today I am loving and celebrating all of me; all of my beautifully imperfect soul-self.
-Lisa Irwin
