Living a Facade
Living a Facade
I love quotes. They inspire me and I love sharing them but I felt some discomfort in sharing this one last week because this was the first time I have put my own words on a photo to share with others.
Right after I posted my quote on social media the word imposter popped into my head as my mind spun out thoughts like - “How could I have insight that is quote worthy?” or “People will think I am full of myself.” or “I should only quote people who know what they’re talking about.”
But that last one stopped me in my tracks because I realized how absurd my thinking was in that moment. Of course I know what I am talking about! Those words came from my soul about a topic that I am most definitely an expert on; my own experience of living behind a facade of having my shit together for 50 years.
Another thing that made me squirm a bit when posting my quote was that it contained the word ‘shit’. This time my mind spun out thoughts like, “What if I offend people?” or “What if women don’t want to work with me because I curse?’ or “Maybe it will make me sound less professional.” My squirming only increased when I decided to use this post as my first paid business promotion on Facebook and I got a big error message saying I couldn’t do so because my post “contains profanity”. But as I read the error message my squirming was replaced with laughter when I heard myself say “Are you shitting me?” Yes - I most definitely curse!
I considered reposting my quote and changing ‘shit’ to ‘crap’ so I could run it as a promotion but I just couldn’t do it. If I expect the women who choose to work with me to trust me and have the courage to show up and work on the things that are scary and hard then I also have to be willing to show up and be who I really am.
I have to trust that the women who are meant to work with me will find me as long as I stay true to myself and show up as the woman I really am; a woman who curses and most certainly does not always have her shit together but chooses to show up in the world anyway.
Are you living behind a facade but long to step out and be seen?
If you said yes, then CONGRATULATIONS; the first step in making any change in your life is to admit that there’s something you want to change; you can’t change what you don’t see. This first step is huge and courageous so don’t let your mind tell you otherwise.
I didn’t move out from behind my facade overnight and I definitely don’t live that way all the time. After having the courage to admit to myself that I didn’t want to live that way anymore it took time and patience but it also took the courage to get support from others.
Asking for help from others was (and still is) the hardest part for me because living behind a facade is very isolating and the longer you live that way the scarier and riskier it is to let others truly see you. It became a vicious cycle of hiding, fear and loneliness; from myself as well as others.
We all build our facades as a way of protecting ourselves and they served a purpose at some point in our lives. The problem comes when we keep them up longer than needed out of habit or fear.
The following journaling exercise will help you take a closer look at the ways in which your facade may not be serving you any longer and how it is preventing you from the living the life you desire.
Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.
Choose one journal prompt from the list below.
Close your eyes and take 3 deep belly breaths.
Open your eyes and spend 15 minutes writing or drawing whatever comes to mind in response to the journal prompt you chose using your non-dominant hand. Writing and drawing with your non-dominant hand takes you out of the analytical mind and helps you tap into your own inner wisdom. There are no right or wrong answers. Simply be open to whatever shows up.
Journal Prompts:
What does my facade look like?
What am I afraid will happen if I step out from behind my facade and let people see me?
What is the worst thing that could happen if I step out from behind my facade?
What is my facade hiding?
When did I begin building my facade?
How do I benefit from hiding behind my facade?
What is my facade costing me?
How might my life look differently without my facade?
Continue journaling in this way over the next week or two and see what shows up.
You will begin to gain insight into the ways your facade is affecting your life and this will help with clarity on what you want to do next. Maybe just noticing and observing is all you are ready to do at this point and that is OK. Or maybe you are ready to take the next step and begin peeking out from behind your facade.
Whatever you decide, please be patient and gentle with yourself. It took years to build your facade so it will take courage, time and the support of others to help you learn how to move out from behind it. There will be fear involved in moving out but with time and support you can do it!
If you would like support, insight and connection with other women in regards to this topic and more please join my free private Facebook group Soul Connections for Women HERE.
