THE DAY MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER
It’s scary to stop hiding…
It’s scary to be vulnerable and share something your passionate about that’s very precious and close to your heart because you never know how people will react.
It’s also scary if you’re like me and you’ve spent most of your life hiding by trying to fit in and blend in with the crowd and the thing you're about to share is not a "blend into the crowd" kind of thing.
The day my Grandad sat down beside me, my life changed forever.
It’s the day I began to trust that I’m never alone and feel a love that no words can describe; a love that helped me gain the courage to stop fitting in and have the courage to step out into the world and do what I was put here to do. It’s the day I began connecting to the ultimate source of love, support and guidance.
Last summer was a very difficult time in my life. I was in the midst of remembering the woman I was born to be….before the world told me who to be. I was gaining the courage to speak my truth, even when my truth wasn’t what others wanted to hear.
Each day, I took a long walk in nature and sat on a bench near a water fountain. I would close my eyes, lose myself in the sound of the water and meditate. I was trying to quiet the fearful thoughts swirling around in my head because I was desperate for clarity about a difficult decision I was facing.
Then one day, as I sat on the bench with my eyes closed, I suddenly felt my Grandad sit down beside me. I felt his presence and I knew he was there to help me.
My Grandad died when I was 8 years old.
One of my fondest childhood memories is sitting in the dining room at my Grandad and Grandma’s house eating butter and sugar sandwiches on white bread. Tears streamed down my face as I sat on that bench and was flooded with the same emotions I’d felt sitting and eating those sandwiches with him more than 40 years ago. I felt safe, loved and seen; like I was the most important person in the world to him in that moment.
I love my Grandad dearly but I rarely spoke of him after he died. Until recently, I never told anyone about the things that I experienced right after his death because it was all so confusing
I have a vivid memory of my Dad coming into my bedroom and fighting back tears as he told me and my sister that our Grandad had died. I’d never experienced the death of a loved one but I knew it was normal to feel sad when someone you love dies.
But I wasn’t sad when my Dad told me he’d died. I remember thinking, “Why am I not sad like everyone else and sad that my Grandad is gone forever? What is wrong with me?”
I was also confused by the fact that I was totally freaked out by his dead body. I felt something close to terror at the thought of stepping foot in the funeral home and looking at his body, or even being close to it. I was plagued with the thought that, if I got close, he would open his eyes and smile at me. It scared the shit out of me! Again, I thought there was something wrong with me because no one else seemed afraid of his body.
Then, on the drive home from his funeral, my family stopped to eat dinner. As soon as we walked into the restaurant, my eyes were drawn to a man standing across the room with his back to us. I instantly knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was my Grandad.
I quickly looked at my sister and parents to see their reaction to seeing my Grandad, but they didn’t seem to notice him at all. Then when I looked back he was gone. Seeing my Grandad shocked me but it didn’t scare me and, once again, I thought, “What is wrong with me? I just saw a spirit that no one else saw and I wasn’t scared.”
My little mind couldn’t make sense of everything that I’d experienced around my Grandad’s death, so I never told anyone that I hadn’t felt sad when he died, that I was afraid that he’d open his eyes and smile at me if I looked at his body, or that I’d seen his spirit after he died.
I’ve thought about my Grandad and his death hundreds of times over the years, but it wasn’t until I felt his presence on the bench next to me 45 years later that I began to understand all of it.
I wasn’t sad when he died because he didn’t feel dead to me; his spirit was still with me. I could still feel him and his love with me just like I had when he was alive.
I was terrified of his body because he still felt so alive to me and my little mind couldn’t make sense of that. He still felt alive so, of course, his body must still be alive too.
I know he showed himself to me after his funeral so I’d know that he was still with me. He also knew that I’d need that memory to help guide me back to him and my connection to Spirit someday.
As I sat on that park bench, I felt stuck in a life that didn't feel quite like my own anymore. My kids were grown, my marriage was falling apart and I felt lost and alone.
For 5 years I’d been searching for guidance and wisdom to help me gain the courage to put myself first so I could find my passion and purpose and step out into the world and be seen as someone other than a wife and mother. I’d gone on retreats, taken classes, attended workshops, filled my shelves with self-help books, seen a therapist and listened to hours of podcasts on topics ranging from career counseling to spirituality.
I spent 10 months training to be a life coach through the Martha Beck Institute and another 8 months training to be a coach with The Soul’s Calling Academy. I knew I’d finally found my passion and purpose in life coaching but deep down I knew there was still something missing and I still felt stuck.
The day I felt my Grandad sit down beside me was the day my life began to open up in ways I never imagined.
It's the day I began to trust that I’m never alone and connect to the ultimate source of love, support and guidance. I started working with a Soul Coach who helped me heal and connect with my soul-self. She helped me connect with Spirit and my Spirit Guides, including my Grandad. It has been the most amazing experience of my life.
As I became more connected with Spirit, my own intuitive gifts began to show themselves, including the gift of helping others connect with Spirit and their Spirit Guides. This sparked a passion in me to include helping women connect to their soul-self and Spirit as part of what I offer in my coaching.
There are no words to describe the peace and joy I feel everyday because of my connection to Spirit. It is the ultimate source of love, support and guidance and it’s there for anyone who’s open to connecting and receiving it.
I LOVE talking to women about all things Spirit related...things like intuition, synchronicities (coincidences) and Spirit Guides. If my story sparked something deep inside of you, or you have your own story to tell, I would love to connect. lisa@lisairwincoaching.com
